The Beauty of Toilet Paper

We ran out of loo roll yesterday. I am not sure how because there was about one and a half left and we are only a family of 5, not 405, but it happened. By about 4pm. Now, we could have gone out and bought some but we were having a stand off, Mr P and I. Neither of us had got dressed so were still slouching around in pyjamas etc. And the boys didn’t care because they had already had emptied for the day and therefore didn’t feel the need to worry about the lack of hygiene that the EO and I were faced with. I managed to find some kitchen roll and I yelled a lot about how unfair it was that the MO thought it was ok to use almost an entire roll for his derriere and he stamped and shouted back that it wasn’t him, and the YO solemnly nodded in agreement with me.. in order to tactfully avoid blame.

And as I eked out the kitchen roll remnants between the EO and I, I thought about toilet paper and how it came about and WTF we did beforehand. My mum has always said that actually wiping yourself and then washing your hands is probably much better for the environment but then surely you’re having to use more water = not so good for environment? (Edit: I reread this and laughed at the fact I was more concerned about water usage than having piss or shit on my hands). Regardless I had to resort to this by 9am this morning (hayfever and peeing took its toll on our reserves) and by midday, had purchased toilet paper.

I lovingly stacked them in the bathroom in beautiful towers of three. I am considering getting doors on the cupboard, and barbed wire and  a keypad lock that only I and Mr P know the combination to….or maybe I could hide millions of rolls under the bathroom floorboards.. either way… I am very happy and feel smug and secure and safe in the knowledge that we now have toilet paper… Long May it Last.

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