I once lived for a short time with a guy who did astrology professionally and he either wrote for a magazine or did a radio show or something, I can’t remember exactly.. and he asked me when I was born. So I told him “22nd July 1976.. about midday (my mum thinks)” and he looked aghast and then laughed and said, “my god you poor thing”.
It transpires that with a mixture of Eastern and Western astrology interpretations, my life is fucked. Crab crossed with Fire Dragon apparently… Fire Crabon? Ruled by the moon, a combination of fierce fire and turbulent waters, it would appear that I am doomed to live a life of ups and downs. He said that I was incredibly emotional (check) and could fly into a rage one moment and then be racked with guilt and cry inconsolably (check again). He said that I had the most difficult combinations of the whole astrological system (anyone reading this who is astrology minded, please do not bombard me with messages concerning all of the misinformation I may have written – I can’t remember it all exactly – probably another side effect of being a fucked up astrological nightmare 😉 ).
I reckon my friends and family will echo all of this. I am often accused of having too much drama in my life and taking on too much. In the main I agree with this but the problem is that it is all I know. I appear to lack the ability to be still. I think this is due to the stillness creating a terror inside that I don’t know how to accept, so I break down mentally instead.
On the plus side, it means I achieve things. I have just done really well (image of trumpet to be inserted here) in my Access to Health Studies course and after managing to self teach GCSE maths to get the grade C that I needed to enter uni, I am finally tootling off to get a ‘career’.
And on the negative side it also means I fill up my life with shit. Some nice shit like fluffy animals. And some bad shit. Like their shit.
So my promise to myself is the following; to clear the clutter in my life, both physically and mentally. I will keep the shitty animals but I will try and clear the other crap. I will think before I roar. I will try and do all the things that make me feel good about myself, like meditating and pilates and being nice to people that I love as opposed to screaming wildly like a demented banshee. I shall really try and stop the rollercoaster and aim for a milkfloat instead. I am going to continue to lose weight, and aim for lean arms (I really want lean arms).
Despite being told that I only look like I am in my mid-20’s again today.. I AM actually 40 to all you non-believers 😉 (guffaw guffaw) and it’s time I watered the little me to grow up into the bigger me that I yearn to be.
However, should a moaning hissy fit start to emerge or a newly acquired kitten poke its head out of the neck of my jumper, please don’t rush to judge.. after all it’s in me stars 😉
(Disclaimer: In the meantime I am going to go and pour myself a glass of wine, fight my dog over whatever she is currently consuming (remote control/phone lead/cat) and watch some mind-numbing bollocks like Eastenders on the tele… small steps people, small steps).